1
00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:05,237
I am a dirty,
Filthy fur wearer.
2
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,672
I am a teen cruella de vil,
3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,541
And I've got to pay!
4
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,875
[hissing]
5
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,184
What's the "M" stand for?
6
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:22,487
"M" is for murder, keisha.
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,489
Gotta catch them
While they're young.
8
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:29,994
Kids, before we say good-bye
To our special tiny tots guest,
9
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,465
Let's all wish her well on her
Trip to washington next week,
10
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:37,602
Where she'll be honored
As student activist of the year.
11
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,039
All right,
12
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:42,774
We have time for one final
Question before nap time.
13
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,543
Lily, what are
The qualifications
14
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:48,247
To become a bad-ass animal
Rights lady like yourself?
15
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,781
Thanks for asking, keisha.
16
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,683
Just be very tough
17
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,085
And obnoxiously strident.
18
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,920
That is the only way
To make it as an activist.
19
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:59,791
Take, for example, my work
With eco-lobster relief.
20
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,394
It all began
One afternoon a year ago,
21
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,664
When I was blinded
By a heinous injustice.
22
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,735
I had stopped by a restaurant
called croutons
23
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,737
to suggest
a savory alternative menu
24
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,306
for national sprouts day,
25
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,075
when I first spied
the prisoner of my heart.
26
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,744
li'l eddie, the lobster.
27
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,480
How long
Has this poor creature
28
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,748
Been cooped inside
This plexiglas prison?
29
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,384
Five years.
30
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:28,320
No one want. He got
The bum right claw.
31
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,222
This lobster is a gimp.
32
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,956
How much to buy him
33
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,226
And set him free
In his natural maine waters?
34
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,427
For you,
35
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,762
Girl with hair
The color of mud,
36
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,431
Five thousand dollars.
37
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:42,201
What?
That's highway robbery!
38
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,470
Lobster gimp drain money
From caesar croutons.
39
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,771
I built the aquarium.
40
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,175
I paid for the lobster
Poop filter.
41
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,743
And all for what?
42
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,045
The star
Of my seafood buffet
43
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,081
Is a washout.
44
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,783
You want?
You pay what I paid.
45
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,685
Good day,
46
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,121
Mud hair.
47
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,060
Don't worry, li'l eddie.
48
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:13,031
I will set you free
If it is the last thing I do.
49
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,071
Lobsters have claws
And a tough shell--
50
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,974
Tougher than
My grandmama's elbows.
51
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,743
Can't they fend for themselves?
52
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,445
Well, you know, kids,
53
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,179
It's funny how sometimes
54
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,749
Creatures with
The hardest exteriors
55
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,517
Have the softest insides.
56
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,752
Lobsters are like that.
57
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,154
Inside their tough shell
58
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:40,759
Is a nervous system ten times
As sensitive as human being's.
59
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,761
When lobsters
Are cruelly boiled alive,
60
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,330
Their supersonic screams of pain
61
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:49,701
Are so gut-wrenching that dogs
Within a one-mile radius
62
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,437
Will often begin whimpering.
63
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,773
Lord, will little eddie
Be boiled alive?
64
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,342
I am proud to say no.
65
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,344
I have purchased
Li'l eddie.
66
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,713
I will be going to croutons
This very evening
67
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,649
To express mail him back
To his lobster family in maine.
68
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,094
[mary] Hi, hon!
69
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:22,367
♪♪ ["Rock lobster" plays]
70
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:29,040
Nooo!
71
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,684
♪ think it over once or twice ♪
72
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,185
♪ what lasts
the longest in this life ♪
73
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:45,457
♪ character
or rock-hard thighs ♪
74
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,959
♪ in the end do you believe ♪
75
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:50,362
♪ that beauty lies
in what you see ♪
76
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,431
♪ 'cause if you do,
then, baby ♪
77
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,466
♪ you've been deceived ♪
78
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:57,135
♪ well, me and b ♪
79
00:03:57,203 --> 00:04:01,139
♪ we hate supermodels ♪
80
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:10,449
♪ it's just that I'm tired
of being compared ♪
81
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:18,990
[miss glass]
Well, my bio-lings, as always
82
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,026
This year's crop of term papers
On my fave topic,
83
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,364
Natural selection,
Has brought a tear to my eye.
84
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,399
First, I cried because
85
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,734
After reading
Most of your numbing prose,
86
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,504
It was obvious
We need to have a bake sale
87
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,374
So this school's special ed
Program can be expanded.
88
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,541
[laughing]
89
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:41,045
Then, I came upon
A report so miraculous,
90
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,349
It turned my tears of sorrow
Into joyous saline.
91
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,688
Ms. Mcqueen.
Impressive as always.
92
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:52,991
As you know,
I'm a fan of leather.
93
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:54,960
Congrats.
Thank you.
94
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,460
Oh. And, mcpherson.
95
00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:00,364
Just a hint, polly pigpen.
96
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,367
Don't use your schoolwork
As a napkin.
97
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,636
[scoffs]
That's not good.
98
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,006
Shrimp?
An "F"?
99
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,373
This is an outrage!
100
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,910
A ten-page,
Single-spaced diatribe
101
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,714
Entitled "Mary cherry must die,"
102
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:18,950
While amusing, just gets you
A big ol' case of the flunks.
103
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,051
Cherry!
104
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,720
Get off that phone!
105
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,722
Everybody else,
106
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:27,258
Eyes on my handout
On the origin of blockheads!
107
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,662
Well, guess who
That was, li'l lily.
108
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:31,663
Shut up.
109
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,598
Caesar croutons himself.
110
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,600
He's got a new lobster
Coming in today.
111
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,170
Its destination, my gullet!
112
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,272
You wouldn't dare,
113
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,541
Mary cherry!
114
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,408
There's not a crustacean
Safe in this state
115
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,611
From my retribution-seeking
Mandibles.
116
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,946
Li'l eddie's successor,
117
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,749
His sister, li'l babe, is mine.
118
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,150
And soon she, too,
119
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:55,153
Will be swimming
In my potent stomach acid.
120
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,155
In short, li'l lily,
121
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,457
Eat me!
122
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,025
Believe me,
123
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:04,062
If I wasn't a vegetarian,
Mary cherry,
124
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,563
I would.
125
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,471
Li'l lily! Oh, please!
126
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,706
Ice chips!
127
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:18,443
[screaming]
128
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,714
[bell rings]
129
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,254
Wait. You are admitting to me
130
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,691
That the only reason
Brooke got a higher grade
131
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,225
On our natural
Selection reports
132
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,227
Is because her paper
Was packaged better.
133
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:38,730
Are you taping me?
134
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,598
No.
135
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,633
In that case, yes, I admit it.
136
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,468
That's what I suspected.
137
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:46,004
That is not...
Fair?
138
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:50,174
Ms. Mcpherson, let's review the
Definition of natural selection.
139
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,478
Natural selection is about
Survival of the fittest.
140
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,246
No. It's about survival
Of the prettiest.
141
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,381
Ms. Mcqueen's presentation
Fit right into that theory.
142
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,618
At one point, I sat
143
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,285
On her leather-encased report
144
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:04,188
And pretended
I was driving a lexus.
145
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,858
Miss glass, I worked
For two weeks on that paper.
146
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:10,261
I needed an "A"
To raise my g.P.A.
My paper was good.
147
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,963
Don't get tough
With me, miss.
148
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,365
That's not
How we survive in bio.
149
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,634
Incidentally,
150
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,170
How about those highlights
Of ms. Mcqueen's, hmm?
151
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,671
Stunning.
152
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,708
While we're on the topic
Of hair, ms. Mcrat's nest,
153
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,710
May I tell you
That the messy braids
154
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,178
And the drab coffee color
155
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,213
You've been sporting
On your noggin this year
156
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,915
Not only detract
From your looks,
157
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,417
But might force me
To knock your current "B" grade
158
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,719
Down to a "C."
159
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,655
That is just wrong.
160
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:37,922
No. That's natural selection.
161
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,190
[bell rings]
162
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,726
Ahem. Principal hall?
163
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,261
You wanted to see me?
164
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,396
Oh, yes. Come in, harrison.
165
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:49,100
Meet kennedy high's
New foreign exchange student,
166
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,435
Exquisite woo.
167
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:52,603
Exquisite,
168
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:56,474
This is harrison john.
169
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,177
[speaking chinese]
170
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,947
[chinese]
171
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,382
Harrison,
Sit down, please.
172
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,551
In reviewing your file,
173
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,119
I feel here
174
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:11,956
That your father
Worked overseas in china?
175
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,492
Yeah. I was raised
In beijing till I was four.
176
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,560
He ran
A radio shack there.
177
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,262
Harrison, I need a translator,
178
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,900
Somebody to take her and
Introduce her to our students
179
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:25,536
And to help her adapt
To our craven american culture.
180
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:26,771
Are you game?
181
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,544
[speaking chinese]
182
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,631
Baby blonde, beach blonde,
Platinum blonde.
183
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,370
Sam?
184
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,305
Why are you going blonde?
185
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,907
Because I'm worth it.
186
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,643
Okay. She is definitely
Having a breakdown.
187
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,613
Yeah. There's a bad case
Of that going around.
188
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,448
I like the way you look.
Miss glass doesn't.
189
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:13,184
She told me to get
A better grade, lighten my hair.
190
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,620
Brunettes
Are second-class citizens.
191
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,622
By dyeing my hair,
I'm gonna prove brooke
Wins at everything
192
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,291
Only because
Of her golden tresses.
193
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,693
Her power
Is strictly presentational.
194
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,162
Wait. What does she win?
195
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,229
Better grades.
196
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,531
Boyfriends.
197
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,367
She gets more meat.
198
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,704
bio isn't the only place
I suffer for my brownness.
199
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,139
no. Mealtime rolls around,
200
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,709
and brooke always gets
the bigger pork chop.
201
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,310
miss glass is right.
202
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,280
natural selection is about
survival of the prettiest.
203
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:43,714
brooke and mike's blonde hair,
204
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,616
I swear to god,
it practically vibrates
205
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:48,552
under that track lighting.
206
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:52,023
next to them,
I am a shadow in the shadows.
207
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,026
blonde hair serves as an unfair
magnet, attracting attention,
208
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,996
confusing the populus
from what really matters.
209
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,531
my mother,
my own flesh and blood,
210
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,469
gives up the better meat
every night to those blondes,
211
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:07,739
her subconscious hoodwinked
like the rest of society.
212
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:11,976
I deserve to taste
The big meat of life.
213
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,246
I am not gonna let my faulty dna
Determine my destiny.
214
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,215
Sammie, you're right.
215
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,316
Looking back,
216
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:21,119
It all makes perfect sense.
217
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,555
Nooo!
218
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,760
Mud hair!
219
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:31,730
Shut-a your mouth. You disturb
All of my good customers.
220
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,232
Caesar croutons,
How could you let this happen?
221
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,869
I paid in cash $5,000
For li'l eddie!
222
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,770
Oh, sorry. I forget.
223
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:45,076
Pretty lady mary cherry make
Good offer, confusing caesar.
224
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,344
How much did she pay?
225
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,678
Five dollars.
226
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,648
Which is four dollars too much
For this stringy gimp.
227
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:51,782
So pretty.
228
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,418
So pretty like the sun.
229
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,519
Ooh!
230
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,431
[screaming]
231
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,534
I thought it was
li'l eddie's death that pushed
me to the brink of sanity.
232
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,971
If I was blonde,
233
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,638
I could've saved
Li'l eddie's life.
234
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,607
Yes!
This whole theory about
235
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:19,743
Blonde brainwashing-slash-
Superiority makes sense.
236
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,245
I mean, think about it.
237
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,282
Who are the two biggest sex
Icons of the past century?
238
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,251
Marilyn and madonna,
239
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,921
Both of whom
Only achieved success
After changing their hair color
240
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,957
From mousy brown, like mine,
241
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,658
To platinum, like nicole.
242
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:37,595
In this culture,
Blonde equals sex,
243
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,597
And sex equals power.
244
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,602
And at this school,
Nicole has 'em both in spades.
245
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:48,306
[♪♪ rock]
246
00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:01,285
maybe if I went blonde and
created an unnatural spotlight,
247
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,822
I'd attract the power, too.
248
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,589
I'd be... Popular.
249
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,724
Popular.
250
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,732
If I go blonde,
251
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,635
I know I'll get a better grade
In miss glass's class.
252
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,937
And I know I'll get more meat.
253
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,342
I lost my $5,000
Li'l eddie money
254
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,278
To pay for damages
I caused in croutons.
255
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,247
If I go blonde,
256
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:32,516
I bet I can get li'l babe
For next to nothing.
257
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,021
If I go blonde,
Maybe nobody will pick on me.
258
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,057
And then I'll have the power,
259
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,025
Like madonna.
260
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:45,563
♪ she's got herself
a universe gone quickly ♪
261
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:49,967
♪ for the call of thunder ♪
262
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:55,039
♪ threatens everyone ♪
263
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,575
♪ and I feel ♪
264
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:01,445
♪ quicker than a ray of light ♪
265
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,914
Yes.
266
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:07,718
Oh, yes!
267
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,522
Yes.
268
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,723
Yes.
269
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,725
Yes!
270
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,095
Yes.
271
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,231
Hope you guys don't mind me
272
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,732
Inviting the exchange student
To lunch.
273
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,734
I think she's the sweetest,
274
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,303
Prettiest girl I've ever seen.
275
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,505
Good luck, bro.
276
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,340
Well, that was sarcastic.
277
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,441
Which I enjoy.
278
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,210
What are you implying
With that tone?
279
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,912
What he's implying is,
280
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,414
"Don't get your hopes up.
She's mine for the taking."
281
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,349
I wasn't implying
You shouldn't go for her.
282
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,619
Whatever. She'll go for you
Like every girl does.
283
00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:43,554
Not every girl. Right?
284
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,756
You slay me, brooke.
Really.
285
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,892
Lovers' quarrel.
Take 152. And action!
286
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,594
I admit it. I've been thinking
About asking exquisite out.
287
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,231
And, yes, I think
My looks could help.
288
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:57,101
You use your looks
To get stuff all the time.
At least I'm being honest.
289
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,570
That's natural selection.
Everybody gets a's
If you're blonde.
290
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,405
Come on, now.
Movin' on.
291
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,610
Hey, everybody.
292
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,712
This is exquisite woo.
293
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,115
Let's get one thing straight,
China girl.
294
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:15,119
The only thing exquisite
At this school is my ass.
295
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,155
[nicole] Enough already.
Let's get this over with.
296
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,557
Harrison, geek boy translator,
Would you ask exquisite woo-hoo
297
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,926
If she'd like
To go out with josh?
298
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:28,266
[harrison speaks chinese]
299
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,735
[speaking chinese]
300
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,940
Really?
She politely
301
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:38,509
Declines the invitation.
302
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,612
She says she'd actually like
To go out with sugar here.
303
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:45,949
She said she senses big sugar's
Heart as big as his waist.
304
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,018
She's intrigued.
305
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,819
Sorry.
306
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:53,091
Oh, my god.
Girls, look.
307
00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,573
Thank you.
308
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:19,150
Okay, what's up
With the jean harlow heads?
309
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,519
Nothing, brooke.
Just proving a point.
310
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,721
That going blonde makes you
Even more unattractive?
311
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,022
Point proven.
312
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,358
[carmen] No. We're proving
That we can take your power,
313
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,526
Your men,
314
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,560
Your grades,
315
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:30,828
And your lobsters
316
00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:33,564
By simply matching
Your whorish hair color.
317
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,967
Our popularity
Is not based on looks.
318
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,502
Okay? We happen to have
Good personalities.
319
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:42,740
We could turn our hair
That hideous shade of early
Barbra streisand brown,
320
00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:44,542
And we'd still rule
This school.
321
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,543
'cause we're witty,
322
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,644
We're smart,
323
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,746
And we've got asses that rock!
324
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,715
Prove it.
Fine. We will.
325
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,317
To sweeten the bet, we're gonna
Add this touch of nutrasweet.
326
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,653
If, as browns, we still rule
This school on friday,
327
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:59,823
Then you unpopular hags
Have to get mohawks.
328
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:03,060
And, if we have the power
On friday as the blondes,
329
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,530
And you browns
Lose your social footing,
330
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,665
Then you have
To get the mohawks.
331
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,167
Done!
332
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,705
Oh! You know,
333
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:18,008
Even with hair the color
Of dung, I still look hot.
334
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,710
Even with hair
The color of dung,
335
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,913
I'm still
The same person
On the inside.
336
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,549
[imitating barbra streisand]
Hello, gorgeous.
337
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,019
Oh, my god, y'all.
338
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,888
With my newly brown tresses,
339
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,723
I feel and look shockingly like
340
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,326
The talented
Miss barbra streisand
In her funny girl phase.
341
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,598
Yeah, a cheerleader, but what
I really wanna do is direct.
342
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,066
♪ I'm the greatest star
who ever... ♪
343
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,739
Maybe we're
A little different brown,
344
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:52,343
And possibly barbra-possessed,
But we're still us.
345
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,979
Put us in dark or light
Meat boxes at kfc,
346
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,748
And the crowds would nibble us
To the bone on an equal scale.
347
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,951
Now, we're gonna go out
Into those halls that we own
348
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,522
And be worshipped, per usual,
As the goddesses we are.
349
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:08,526
[speaking chinese]
350
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,361
Do you have any idea
What she's saying?
351
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:14,265
Not a clue.
But I like that we have to
Communicate with our souls.
352
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:17,701
Sam, you don't know
How lucky I am to have
A girl like her.
353
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,803
I think I'm falling in love.
354
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,505
Good for you, s.D.
355
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,041
It couldn't happen
To a more deserving guy.
356
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,710
By the way,
I like your blonde hair.
357
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:29,313
Thank you.
It looks silky to the touch.
358
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,281
May I?
Yeah.
359
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,496
So, what do you think?
360
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,465
I look like
Jim jarmusch, don't I?
361
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:51,469
No. You look fine.
362
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:54,639
I mean, you look fine.
Why did...
Did I do this?
363
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,741
Why do you think?
Solidarity. Duh!
364
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,410
Gotta get to class.
365
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,511
Catch you later.
366
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,517
[nicole]
Hold your head high, girls.
367
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,387
We own this school,
Even as browns.
368
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,123
[booing]
369
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,057
My god, y'all.
They're dissing us!
370
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,329
Why aren't they
Recognizing us?
371
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,097
I loved you in yentl.
372
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,968
Oh, my god.
373
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,703
We're gonna have to get mohawks.
374
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,337
I'm freakin' finished.
375
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:31,709
In losing my blondeness,
I've lost my power.
376
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:35,145
The only thing
That could possibly bolster
My flagging brunette spirits
377
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,680
At this time of crisis
378
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,717
Is to make li'l lily weep
By eating li'l babe!
379
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,485
Let's go to croutons.
380
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,956
Forget about croutons.
Where's my oscar
For the prince of tides?
381
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,060
Where have I gone?
382
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,997
I'm so glad that there's
At least one person
383
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:57,335
Who hasn't been corrupted
By the rules of western
Natural selection.
384
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,136
Exquisite and I
Are both firm believers
385
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,672
In looking beyond
A person's shell.
386
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,008
You know,
You look okay as a blonde.
387
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,910
Shut up.
388
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,112
What?
389
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:15,653
Nic, as soon as you get
A little warm lobster in you,
390
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:18,556
You'll see the world from
A whole different perspective.
391
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:20,624
[mary gasps]
392
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,095
How much you pay
For that lobster, elf?
393
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,097
Three dollars, mary cherry.
394
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,332
And caesar threw in
An ambrosia salad to boot.
395
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,903
Looks like someone's
Power base is slippin', brownie!
396
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,938
Caesar croutons,
I will pay
397
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,707
For li'l babe...
398
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,577
One million dollars!
399
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,880
Your performance in nuts
Give caesar croutons
400
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:45,215
A nightmare to this very day.
401
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,118
Your money no good here,
Barbra streisand!
402
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,088
Caesar, it is me.
It's mary cherry. Remember?
403
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,257
Ohh. Okay.
404
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,259
You hand me over
Million dollars,
405
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,461
And you get to eat
Gimp lobster's sister.
406
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,362
Wait. That's not fair.
407
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:02,400
We are doing an experiment
On natural selection.
408
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:04,234
You cannot buy victories.
409
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,803
Lily's got a point.
410
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,104
And, you guys,
Come on.
411
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,239
We can win
Without financial bribery.
412
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,008
Hon, update for ya.
413
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,944
As brunettes,
Our only power is money.
414
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,614
Girls, you do experiment
About natural selection?
415
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,949
Caesar has an idea
416
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:22,453
On how to prove
True superiority.
417
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,757
Disco bowling?
418
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,358
You want us to prove
419
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:31,229
Our natural selection
Superiority through
Disco bowling?
420
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,564
Yes, and the winning
Disco bowl team
421
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,734
Gets li'l babe
Instead of a trophy.
422
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:40,170
No. I went blonde.
You sold me li'l babe
For next to nothing.
423
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,840
My point has been proven.
I'm gonna take li'l babe.
424
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,008
No, you won't!
425
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,977
Caesar owns allstar bowl.
426
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,946
It's teetering on bankruptcy.
427
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,449
Fickle teens no show up.
428
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:52,983
It-a needs publicity!
429
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,952
You bowl
430
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,854
For little babe,
431
00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,358
Or little babe
Will rest in peace
432
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,893
In barbra streisand's stomach.
433
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,363
Ah-huh!
434
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,365
[jane]
It's really true what they say.
435
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,500
I really am having more fun.
436
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,475
Jane, why did you
Color your hair?
437
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:20,478
Oh, well, um,
I just wanted a change.
438
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:24,181
You know, sam did it,
And she looks so spunky.
439
00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:26,183
I thought, you know,
What the hell!
440
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,185
And I like it!
I mean, I feel...
441
00:21:28,253 --> 00:21:29,387
Liberated?
442
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,722
Freed from the shackles
Of dour intellectualism?
443
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,223
Dumb as a box of rocks?
444
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,158
Yes.
445
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:36,394
[footsteps]
446
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,728
Hey.
447
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,130
Dad, what is up
With the do?
448
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,666
What? Oh, my hair.
449
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:46,236
I just thought
I would try to live life
From a latin perspective.
450
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,238
[chuckles]
451
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,240
Okay, I dyed my hair.
452
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:53,077
I'm up for a promotion at work
Against a 25-year-old,
453
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,079
And this morning
I found my first gray hair.
454
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,515
I just thought that
455
00:21:57,583 --> 00:22:00,784
Masking my age
Would even the playing field.
456
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:02,720
Uh, brooke,
About tomorrow's bowl-off.
457
00:22:02,788 --> 00:22:03,987
You guys are bowling?
458
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:05,489
Are you aware
That carmen--
459
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:07,958
The blonde, sexy,
Powerful carmen--
460
00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:09,993
Was captain of
Her junior high bowling team?
461
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,498
Oh. Almost forgot the chops.
462
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:23,807
Hmm.
463
00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:42,660
Carmen has bowling experience?
464
00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:44,094
Well, that's great.
465
00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:46,063
'cause we're gonna have
To get freakin' mohawks!
466
00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:48,599
Hold up, nic.
I will not accept the fact
467
00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:51,935
That being blonde
Automatically makes it
Smooth sailing for a person.
468
00:22:52,004 --> 00:22:53,737
Brooke, you yourself
Told us that
469
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:56,106
Spam as a blonde
Got the bigger chop last night.
470
00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:59,242
We are losing it on every level.
Just face it.
471
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:02,145
Wait. That's it.
It just all came
Rushing back to me.
472
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:05,383
I know just the semipro bowler
That can save us.
473
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,084
Absolutely not.
474
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,920
Ladies, there is
No way in hell
475
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:12,590
I would ever cross
The student/teacher
Fraternization line.
476
00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:15,458
I'm too smart
To become pamela smart.
477
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:18,461
Well, all right, then.
Thank you, sir.
478
00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,264
[whispers]
Crap.
479
00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:22,933
Oh, just one more thing,
Miss glass.
480
00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:24,201
What cherry?
481
00:23:24,269 --> 00:23:26,170
When we lose the bet,
Li'l lily
482
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,172
Won't just stop
At lobster salvation.
483
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,540
Oh, no!
484
00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:32,643
Croutons will become
Horrifyingly shellfish-free.
485
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:34,678
Your weekly feastin'
On croutons'
486
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:37,515
Delicious fuita di la mare
Platter will be but a memory.
487
00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:39,917
Just thought you should know.
488
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:49,259
Girls! Wait a minute.
Count me in!
489
00:23:55,801 --> 00:23:57,134
Oh, my god.
490
00:23:57,202 --> 00:23:59,870
Li'l babe's gonna die
Because of my atrocious bowling.
491
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,605
Help.
Here's the problem
With your bowling.
492
00:24:02,674 --> 00:24:04,842
You're just too rigid.
Return.
493
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:06,143
But that's the trait
494
00:24:06,211 --> 00:24:09,747
That informs my activism
And my personality.
495
00:24:09,815 --> 00:24:12,249
Yeah. But in the world
Of competitive bowling,
496
00:24:12,318 --> 00:24:13,717
That doesn't work.
497
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:16,720
Look. Bowling
Is about vulnerability.
498
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:19,723
It's the only way to win.
You gotta let go. Here.
499
00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:24,661
Now, remember. The ball
Can't soar if you don't.
500
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:26,163
Okay.
501
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,001
Let go. Be vulnerable.
502
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:38,075
[carmen] Oh, my god.
Li'l babe's gonna die.
503
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:40,010
Man!
504
00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:42,012
We'll work on that.
505
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:48,752
F.Y.I., li'l lily:
506
00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:51,989
Vis-a-vis our upcoming
Bowling competition,
507
00:24:52,058 --> 00:24:54,992
We now have muscle
Behind our balls, tiny dancer.
508
00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:58,596
Miss glass, who also
Despises you, has agreed
To bowl for the browns.
509
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,731
And so has sugar daddy,
Whose dna is tainted
510
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,066
With white trash
Bowling prowess.
511
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:04,902
You'll never save
Li'l babe now.
512
00:25:04,971 --> 00:25:06,103
She's mine.
513
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,105
Okay, look...
Shut up, suffragette.
514
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:12,610
Since most of you flunked your
Reports on natural selection,
515
00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:15,178
I've decided
To earn points in heaven
516
00:25:15,247 --> 00:25:18,448
By allowing all of you
Another try on the same topic.
517
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,051
[brooke clears throat]
Switch to decaf, brooke.
518
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,087
Or are you abuzz
About finding out your new
Naturally selected grade?
519
00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:27,791
I would jump at the chance
To go from an "A" to an a .
520
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:29,592
I pulled an all-nighter
Last night.
521
00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:32,630
I didn't even get it
Gussied up in a special binder.
522
00:25:32,698 --> 00:25:34,397
Not that I needed it.
523
00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:36,767
Disappointed in you, mcqueen.
524
00:25:36,836 --> 00:25:38,101
[brooke scoffs]
A "D"?
525
00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,971
Or should I say "Mcbrown"?
526
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,706
Brilliant work, mcpherson.
527
00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:45,776
Enjoyed it.
528
00:25:45,845 --> 00:25:49,146
Miss glass, may I point
Something out to you, sir?
529
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,148
Even though
My presentation is stunning,
530
00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:52,983
These pages are blank.
531
00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:55,052
I didn't have time
To do the report
532
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,321
Because I was too busy
Blowing my hair straight.
533
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:58,455
Oh. Missed that.
534
00:25:58,524 --> 00:26:00,057
Enjoy the "A."
535
00:26:00,126 --> 00:26:02,459
But... But...
536
00:26:02,528 --> 00:26:05,863
Oh. Blondes
Do have more fun.
537
00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:11,769
[people oohing and aahing]
538
00:26:11,837 --> 00:26:13,771
[wolf whistle]
539
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:30,087
I think it's appalling the way
Exquisite flirts with you.
540
00:26:30,155 --> 00:26:31,488
What?
541
00:26:31,557 --> 00:26:33,490
She doesn't like me at all.
542
00:26:33,558 --> 00:26:35,625
Yeah? But you do,
Don't you?
543
00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:39,196
Let's say exquisite and I
Did have a love connection.
Wouldn't you be happy for me?
544
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:41,198
Didn't you
Just tell me yesterday
545
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,835
That you admired
Exquisite's ability
To look beyond appearances?
546
00:26:46,505 --> 00:26:49,772
Um... Yeah. Yeah.
See you at bowling.
547
00:26:53,212 --> 00:26:56,546
[speaking chinese]
548
00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:59,950
I can't believe this!
Can't you get your own girl?
549
00:27:00,019 --> 00:27:01,251
Did you dye your hair
550
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,353
Because she thought
It was exotic, or sexy?
551
00:27:03,422 --> 00:27:04,955
Sugar, chill out, man.
552
00:27:05,024 --> 00:27:07,590
You are completely
Misunderstanding
This entire situation.
553
00:27:07,659 --> 00:27:09,860
For the first time
I felt okay about myself
554
00:27:09,929 --> 00:27:11,861
Because somebody
Felt good about me.
555
00:27:11,931 --> 00:27:13,663
I'm done with this.
556
00:27:13,732 --> 00:27:16,166
I'm done with her,
And I'm done with you.
557
00:27:16,235 --> 00:27:19,169
I may not be able
To compete in your
Natural selection presentation,
558
00:27:19,238 --> 00:27:21,238
But I can flatten
Your blonde ass!
559
00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:22,305
Translate this!
560
00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:28,312
For the first time,
561
00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:30,714
You made me feel hope.
562
00:27:31,883 --> 00:27:34,717
Runaway girl.
Why'd you tease me that way?
563
00:27:39,024 --> 00:27:43,827
[speaking chinese]
564
00:27:43,896 --> 00:27:45,362
No.
565
00:27:47,900 --> 00:27:52,902
[speaking chinese]
566
00:27:57,243 --> 00:27:59,409
[toilet flushing]
567
00:28:02,747 --> 00:28:03,914
Li'l babe?
568
00:28:03,983 --> 00:28:05,916
Nice to meet you, lily.
569
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:12,022
Oh, my god. Li'l babe,
What are you doing here?
570
00:28:12,091 --> 00:28:14,057
I came to talk to you, honey,
571
00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:16,393
To warn you
Before it's too late.
572
00:28:16,461 --> 00:28:19,196
Don't worry. I'm practicing
My bowling. I'm gonna save you.
573
00:28:19,264 --> 00:28:20,397
Actually, honey,
574
00:28:20,465 --> 00:28:23,533
The one you need to save
Is yourself.
575
00:28:23,602 --> 00:28:26,536
You're just like me.
You know.
576
00:28:26,605 --> 00:28:29,706
Hard on the outside
And soft in the middle.
577
00:28:29,774 --> 00:28:32,675
You put up
Such a shell, honey.
578
00:28:32,744 --> 00:28:34,477
I know you're hurt
579
00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:37,480
'cause you're confused
About your sexual identity
580
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:39,416
And don't wanna be alone.
581
00:28:39,484 --> 00:28:41,418
I know you're hurt
582
00:28:41,486 --> 00:28:44,121
'cause you feel
You're not quite...
583
00:28:44,189 --> 00:28:45,923
Pretty enough to compete.
584
00:28:45,991 --> 00:28:47,257
But you are pretty.
585
00:28:47,326 --> 00:28:49,727
Inside, lily,
Where it counts.
586
00:28:49,795 --> 00:28:52,562
But if you don't
Take off your shell,
587
00:28:52,631 --> 00:28:55,733
Nobody can see
The blonde that's within.
588
00:28:55,801 --> 00:28:57,701
Can they?
589
00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:00,403
I wanna live, lily.
590
00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:02,539
But I want you to live, too.
591
00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:12,950
[♪♪ disco]
592
00:29:15,721 --> 00:29:18,956
Look, sug,
I know you got a bad case
Of the exquisite blues,
593
00:29:19,024 --> 00:29:21,291
But you gotta
Snap out of it, bro.
594
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,428
We gotta beat these chicks,
Or we're gonna be hangin' out
With girls with mohawks.
595
00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:26,930
That's just not right.
596
00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:28,465
Sorry, bro,
597
00:29:28,534 --> 00:29:31,101
But the sugar's not sprinkling
On the bowling lanes tonight.
598
00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:32,936
What was that, sugar?
599
00:29:33,005 --> 00:29:34,204
You better bowl.
600
00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:36,306
Next to miss glass,
You're our only hope.
601
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:39,509
So you stand up,
Have some ding dongs,
And get your bowl on.
602
00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:42,645
I don't think
I could put my heart into it.
603
00:29:42,714 --> 00:29:44,214
Why are you
Wearing evening gowns?
604
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,883
Wearin' holiday
Collection mackie's
605
00:29:45,951 --> 00:29:47,717
Will give us
A competitive edge.
606
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,552
Yeah, the sequins attract
The light. Got it?
607
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:52,122
The light that
Our flaxen hair
Used to provide.
608
00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:55,525
Well, good lord, brooky.
You're whiter than usual, hon.
609
00:29:55,594 --> 00:29:58,028
Either you saw a ghost,
Or you got a "D."
610
00:29:58,097 --> 00:30:01,231
I did. Today, in bio,
And I didn't deserve that grade.
611
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,000
Which makes me
Think that maybe
612
00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:05,502
I didn't deserve
That first "A" I got.
613
00:30:05,570 --> 00:30:07,070
Yeah, hon, feel your pain.
614
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:10,040
Buck up, 'cause we're bowling
For mohawks here, all right?
615
00:30:10,109 --> 00:30:12,042
Sugar, I'm really sorry
About exquisite.
616
00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:17,747
Those blonde bitches
Ruin everything.
617
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:19,549
Mm. Speak of the devils.
618
00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:39,002
You think it'd be
All right if I had a drink
In front of the kids?
619
00:30:39,071 --> 00:30:41,004
For me, bowling
And beer go together.
620
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:43,706
Are you on edge
'cause you're worried
About your promotion?
621
00:30:43,775 --> 00:30:45,842
What? No. What,
With hair like this?
622
00:30:45,910 --> 00:30:47,244
I'm a shoo-in.
623
00:30:47,312 --> 00:30:49,779
Okay, have a beer.
But don't you go crazy.
624
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:52,149
Get one for me, too, please.
Okay.
625
00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:53,683
Make that three.
626
00:30:53,752 --> 00:30:57,054
[♪♪ disco]
627
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,693
[microphone feedback]
628
00:31:03,762 --> 00:31:05,428
All right, teens.
629
00:31:05,497 --> 00:31:08,198
Welcome to caesar croutons'
630
00:31:08,267 --> 00:31:10,234
Allstar bowl!
631
00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:13,103
[crowd cheering]
Tonight's publicity attraction,
632
00:31:13,172 --> 00:31:14,771
The browns
633
00:31:14,839 --> 00:31:17,374
Versus the blondes
634
00:31:17,442 --> 00:31:19,542
In a showdown
635
00:31:19,611 --> 00:31:21,110
Of natural selection.
636
00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:23,746
Whoo!
637
00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:28,352
Let's bowl and disco!
638
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,667
Welcome back
To the end portion
Of what is so far
639
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,936
A tie game between
The browns and the blondes.
640
00:31:47,006 --> 00:31:50,006
The pressure is certainly on
For carmen ferrara,
641
00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:51,408
Isn't it,
Caesar croutons?
642
00:31:51,476 --> 00:31:54,544
It certainly is,
Vice principal calvin krupps.
643
00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:57,547
[croutons]
Let's see if carmen, a libra,
644
00:31:57,616 --> 00:31:59,216
Can clean up that spare.
645
00:31:59,284 --> 00:32:01,218
[cheering]
646
00:32:12,497 --> 00:32:16,399
[krupps] She's done it,
As she's done it all night
For her blonde team.
647
00:32:16,468 --> 00:32:21,138
Next up for the browns,
Miss brooke mcqueen.
648
00:32:21,206 --> 00:32:24,107
[croutons]
A cheerleader.
A homecoming queen.
649
00:32:24,176 --> 00:32:27,610
But all that may end
Now that brooke is a brunette.
650
00:32:27,679 --> 00:32:31,113
[krupps] A strike
Is unlikely based on
Her thin, delicate wrist.
651
00:32:31,183 --> 00:32:33,983
But if that goal
Is miraculously attained,
652
00:32:34,053 --> 00:32:37,287
Brooke would tie
Her team with the blondes.
653
00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:49,399
[croutons]
And we have a tie
With two left to bowl.
654
00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:52,669
The final bowler
For the blondes
655
00:32:52,737 --> 00:32:55,305
Is... Lily.
656
00:32:55,374 --> 00:32:58,641
[krupps] Lily is
The worst bowler alive.
657
00:32:58,710 --> 00:33:01,144
She hasn't nailed
A single pin all night.
658
00:33:01,213 --> 00:33:03,713
An embarrassment
For herself and the blondes,
659
00:33:03,782 --> 00:33:05,182
Wouldn't you say, caesar?
660
00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:08,785
Yes, but let's see.
How she does.
661
00:33:11,923 --> 00:33:15,292
[krupps]
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
What a surprise.
662
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,460
And she has
One more time up at that.
663
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:19,362
You can do it.
Relax. Relax.
664
00:33:19,431 --> 00:33:21,798
[carmen]
Shake it off.
There you go.
665
00:33:21,866 --> 00:33:23,800
This is her final bowl.
666
00:33:23,868 --> 00:33:25,802
This is her moment.
667
00:33:31,276 --> 00:33:32,976
Bowling
Is about vulnerability.
668
00:33:33,045 --> 00:33:35,745
It's the only way to win.
You just gotta let go.
669
00:33:35,814 --> 00:33:37,747
But if you don't
Take off your shell,
670
00:33:37,816 --> 00:33:40,350
Nobody can see
The blonde within.
671
00:33:40,419 --> 00:33:42,685
The ball can't soar
If you don't.
672
00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:55,131
[blondes groaning]
673
00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:03,073
Our last bowler
Scheduled for tonight
674
00:34:03,142 --> 00:34:05,708
Was to be ace bowler
Bobbi glass.
675
00:34:05,777 --> 00:34:08,345
But word has just reached us
That miss glass,
676
00:34:08,413 --> 00:34:10,580
Cursed with a bad case
Of the boogies,
677
00:34:10,649 --> 00:34:13,316
Has collapsed from dehydration
678
00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:15,818
And is trying
To seek medical treatment.
679
00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:20,056
In-a the face
Of this disco bowling tragedy
680
00:34:20,124 --> 00:34:22,725
Comes a new final bowler.
681
00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:24,827
Sugar daddy bernardino.
682
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,364
[krupps] Although hailed
As an expert bowler,
683
00:34:27,432 --> 00:34:28,965
Sugar has tanked
Here tonight,
684
00:34:29,033 --> 00:34:31,033
Rolling a total
Of only nine pins.
685
00:34:31,103 --> 00:34:33,170
But all he needs
For a brown victory
686
00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:35,705
Is to knock over one pin
And break the tie.
687
00:34:35,774 --> 00:34:39,743
Can he do it?
Does he have the right stuff?
688
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:42,179
Let's watch.
689
00:34:54,826 --> 00:34:56,759
[krupps] And there goes
Sugar daddy bernardino,
690
00:34:56,828 --> 00:35:00,297
Not the first bowler
To snap from the pressure
Of this stressful game.
691
00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:02,999
One now has to wonder,
Caesar croutons,
692
00:35:03,067 --> 00:35:06,235
Does the victory
Go by default to the blondes?
693
00:35:10,609 --> 00:35:11,874
Sugar.
694
00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:13,042
What, scrub?
695
00:35:13,112 --> 00:35:15,479
Take your woman
And go back inside.
696
00:35:15,547 --> 00:35:17,714
You are so wrong
About exquisite.
697
00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:20,317
I know it looks weird,
Because with blonde hair,
698
00:35:20,385 --> 00:35:22,552
I'm suddenly hot.
699
00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:25,388
But she doesn't dig me.
She digs you.
700
00:35:25,457 --> 00:35:28,125
If it's the truth, why doesn't
Exquisite tell me herself.
701
00:35:28,193 --> 00:35:29,559
I'll tell you why.
702
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:31,628
Because you cannot
Translate a lie!
703
00:35:33,031 --> 00:35:35,298
Sugar, exquisite
Has been working
704
00:35:35,367 --> 00:35:38,134
On mastering
Her first english phrase.
705
00:35:38,202 --> 00:35:40,403
She want to know
If you'll please listen.
706
00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:43,940
Big sugar, I very sad.
707
00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:46,609
I know now why you
Ignore me in school.
708
00:35:46,678 --> 00:35:50,780
It's because
I'm not like blonde girl
Like those you hang with.
709
00:35:50,849 --> 00:35:52,782
What?
710
00:35:52,851 --> 00:35:55,017
That's crazy.
711
00:35:55,086 --> 00:35:57,287
Though I not
A natural selection beauty,
712
00:35:57,356 --> 00:36:01,124
My heart very pretty
With caring for you.
713
00:36:01,193 --> 00:36:02,859
You the real deal, guy.
714
00:36:02,927 --> 00:36:05,595
Exquisite love sugar.
715
00:36:07,432 --> 00:36:09,466
Love sugar long time.
716
00:36:21,513 --> 00:36:24,146
Sugar is back
And ready to bowl.
717
00:36:24,215 --> 00:36:26,783
One pin is all he needs,
Ladies and gentlemen.
718
00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:29,819
One pin to taste
That sweet bowling victory.
719
00:37:00,351 --> 00:37:02,452
[krupps]
And he's done it!
Unbelievable!
720
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:19,969
All my theories
Are a bust.
721
00:37:20,038 --> 00:37:21,971
The universe
Makes no sense.
722
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:23,973
Now I have to get
A mohawk,
723
00:37:24,042 --> 00:37:26,376
And li'l babe
Will be boiled and eaten.
724
00:37:26,445 --> 00:37:29,045
My god. My life
Could not get any worse.
725
00:37:29,114 --> 00:37:30,413
Jane mcpherson,
726
00:37:30,482 --> 00:37:32,348
C-can you hear me?
727
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:35,184
'cause I have to come clean
With you, jane.
728
00:37:35,254 --> 00:37:37,053
And you, sam.
And brooke.
729
00:37:37,121 --> 00:37:39,222
Now, I told you
That I didn't know
730
00:37:39,291 --> 00:37:41,558
Whether or not
I had gotten the promotion.
731
00:37:41,627 --> 00:37:46,095
But actually, I found out
About it just before
We came here tonight.
732
00:37:46,164 --> 00:37:48,330
I was passed over.
733
00:37:50,335 --> 00:37:52,402
Because of a bad dye job.
734
00:37:52,471 --> 00:37:54,070
[mike chuckles]
735
00:37:54,138 --> 00:37:57,307
But strangely,
It was coming here tonight
736
00:37:57,376 --> 00:38:00,443
That put a perspective
On it for me.
737
00:38:00,512 --> 00:38:04,281
It's family that matters.
It's not ambition,
And it's not hair.
738
00:38:04,349 --> 00:38:07,216
Although, boy, jane, you
Sure do look good as a blonde.
739
00:38:07,286 --> 00:38:08,818
[wolf whistle]
740
00:38:08,887 --> 00:38:10,687
Marry me in three weeks.
741
00:38:13,191 --> 00:38:14,591
Let's just do it
742
00:38:14,659 --> 00:38:16,593
And officially merge
These two households.
743
00:38:16,661 --> 00:38:18,060
Will you have me?
744
00:38:20,765 --> 00:38:21,964
Yes.
745
00:38:22,033 --> 00:38:24,901
Yes! I'll marry you
In three weeks!
746
00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:27,604
Correction. My life
Did just get worse.
747
00:38:34,178 --> 00:38:37,246
Let's disco!
748
00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:47,457
You know, sam,
749
00:38:47,526 --> 00:38:50,259
Good for you for going back
To your natural brunette color.
750
00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:51,728
I like it.
751
00:38:51,796 --> 00:38:53,596
I guess tonight's
Bowling victory
752
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:55,598
Proved that
It really is character
753
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:59,101
And a winning spirit
That determine our fate,
Not our hair color.
754
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:01,170
I was wrong.
No, you weren't.
755
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,806
You were on to something
About our school,
756
00:39:03,875 --> 00:39:05,708
And, I hate to say it,
Our society.
757
00:39:05,777 --> 00:39:08,244
In fairy tales,
Blondes always get the edge.
758
00:39:08,312 --> 00:39:11,047
Cinderella, rapunzel,
Sleeping beauty.
759
00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:13,482
And I think the same thing
Happens to me
760
00:39:13,551 --> 00:39:16,786
Just because
Of the way I look,
Which I don't like.
761
00:39:16,855 --> 00:39:20,089
So, you're staying brunette
For a while?
What, are you crazy?
762
00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:22,492
So, look,
763
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:24,527
About this upcoming wedding.
764
00:39:24,596 --> 00:39:27,530
Yeah. There is no way I am
Legally becoming your sister.
765
00:39:27,599 --> 00:39:31,333
So, we have three weeks
To stop it, break them up,
766
00:39:31,402 --> 00:39:33,803
And get out of
Each other's lives for good.
767
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:36,438
Three weeks and counting.
768
00:39:45,550 --> 00:39:46,816
You look weird.
769
00:39:56,961 --> 00:39:58,261
All right, tiny dancer.
770
00:39:58,329 --> 00:40:00,263
Your ten minutes
Of good-bye are up.
771
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:04,100
Hand over my tasty,
Delicious prize.
772
00:40:04,168 --> 00:40:07,236
[sniffling]
Good-bye, li'l baby.
773
00:40:08,406 --> 00:40:10,339
I'm sorry.
Yeah, well,
You should be.
774
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,341
Your bowling skills
Are atrocious.
775
00:40:12,411 --> 00:40:15,144
I'm not sorry I'm a bad bowler.
776
00:40:15,213 --> 00:40:18,114
I'm sorry for the way
I treated you, mary cherry.
777
00:40:18,182 --> 00:40:21,583
Is this a trick?
You trying to butter me up?
778
00:40:21,652 --> 00:40:24,521
'cause now that I'm blonde again
And glamorously hard as nails,
779
00:40:24,589 --> 00:40:27,656
I won't be falling
For your sob story, sid vicious.
780
00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:33,696
All right, I give.
Why are you sorry?
781
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:36,465
I'm sorry...
782
00:40:36,535 --> 00:40:40,369
Because it's my hard shell,
783
00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:43,540
My armor that's responsible
For li'l babe's death,
784
00:40:43,608 --> 00:40:45,542
Not you.
785
00:40:45,610 --> 00:40:49,211
You're stupid and blonde,
And you don't know any better.
786
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,280
Go on. I'm listening.
787
00:40:51,349 --> 00:40:53,282
If I had just
788
00:40:53,351 --> 00:40:56,786
Dropped the hard-ass,
"Don't eat lobster,
It's bad" routine
789
00:40:56,855 --> 00:41:00,056
And just taken the time
To explain to you,
790
00:41:00,124 --> 00:41:02,224
Calmly and rationally,
791
00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:04,593
Why eating something
With a mother
792
00:41:04,663 --> 00:41:07,163
Is outdated and wrong,
793
00:41:07,231 --> 00:41:10,132
Maybe you would have
Helped me save li'l babe,
794
00:41:10,201 --> 00:41:11,901
Instead of cook her.
795
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,173
Lily, that's just so true.
796
00:41:17,241 --> 00:41:20,542
Huh. It's funny how,
797
00:41:20,611 --> 00:41:23,746
Now that I took off
My shell in front of you
798
00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:26,115
And allowed myself
To be vulnerable,
799
00:41:26,184 --> 00:41:29,651
For the first time
In a long time,
I don't feel that way.
800
00:41:32,190 --> 00:41:35,324
Lily, I proclaim you my friend,
801
00:41:35,393 --> 00:41:37,360
My ally against extinction.
802
00:41:37,428 --> 00:41:40,163
The bet's off.
Li'l babe shall live.
803
00:41:40,231 --> 00:41:42,799
Are you serious?
Oh, my god.
804
00:41:42,867 --> 00:41:44,400
Mary cherry, thank you.
805
00:41:44,468 --> 00:41:46,970
Thank you so much. Thank you.
You're welcome.
806
00:41:47,038 --> 00:41:50,740
Oh. Funny how
A little lobster
Could weigh so much.
807
00:41:50,809 --> 00:41:52,775
Yeah. She's about
A brick's worth.
808
00:41:52,844 --> 00:41:54,777
Have you said
Your good-byes?
809
00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:56,212
Yeah.
810
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,314
Go out to that hall phone,
Call fedex,
811
00:41:58,382 --> 00:42:00,817
And let's ship her back
To her natural maine waters.
812
00:42:00,885 --> 00:42:02,151
Okay.
Okay? Oh.
813
00:42:02,220 --> 00:42:04,153
I'll seal her up
For her journey,
814
00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:06,155
And then we'll
Go out for tofu.
815
00:42:06,224 --> 00:42:07,489
Okay?
816
00:42:07,558 --> 00:42:09,525
Now, don't try
To kiss me
817
00:42:09,593 --> 00:42:12,629
Just 'cause you're all
Mushy now, li'l lily.
818
00:42:12,697 --> 00:42:15,464
Okay. I'll see you out there.
819
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:17,366
Okay. Bye.
820
00:42:21,806 --> 00:42:24,106
What a sucker that li'l lily is.
821
00:42:24,175 --> 00:42:27,109
Tofu, my ass that rocks!
822
00:42:27,178 --> 00:42:28,945
Lobster's what I crave,
823
00:42:29,014 --> 00:42:31,981
And after brushing up
On my acting skills just now,
824
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:33,983
Lobster is what I'm gonna have.
825
00:42:37,556 --> 00:42:39,989
Oh. And you know what?
826
00:42:41,359 --> 00:42:42,792
Li'l babe,
827
00:42:44,062 --> 00:42:46,528
Know two things
Before you meet your maker.
828
00:42:46,598 --> 00:42:49,298
I hated the prince of tides,
829
00:42:49,367 --> 00:42:52,769
And us blondes always win.
830
00:42:52,837 --> 00:42:55,071
Always.
831
00:42:58,910 --> 00:43:01,644
♪♪ ["Rock lobster" plays]
832
00:43:08,386 --> 00:43:11,721
Oh. Well, my, my.
I see rigor mortis has set in.
833
00:43:14,825 --> 00:43:17,594
Ooh, that's gotta hurt,
Li'l babe.
834
00:43:17,662 --> 00:43:18,661
Bye-bye.
835
00:43:28,006 --> 00:43:31,573
♪ to bend and not to break ♪
836
00:43:31,642 --> 00:43:35,344
♪ chin up, try not to quake ♪
837
00:43:35,413 --> 00:43:38,748
♪ I'm grinning on the outside ♪
838
00:43:38,817 --> 00:43:42,752
♪ but I'm a wreck internally ♪
839
00:43:44,823 --> 00:43:48,324
♪ ooh, la la la la ♪
840
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:56,265
♪ ooh, la la la la ♪